Valentine’s Day Got you Down?

By Veronica Monet,ACS, CAM

As Valentine’s Day approaches, you may find yourself turned off by the commercialism confronting you every time you step into a department store or turn on the television. And why wouldn’t you? With about a billion cards sent out every year to herald the romantic holiday, Valentines are second only to Christmas cards. And even if you avoid the Valentine’s cards, you are still assaulted everywhere you go by glaring displays of candy, stuffed animals, flowers and red hearts.

But don’t let the predictable attempts to sway your purchasing dollars turn you off to love. There are some very good reasons to make a healthy relationship to romance a top priority in your life.

Deepak Chopra has been quoted as saying “Creativity is ultimately sexual – I’m sorry — but it is!” Elaborating further, he asserts “Sexual energy is the primal and creative energy of the universe . . . sexual energy can be creative at all levels – physical, emotional and spiritual. In any situation, where we feel attraction, arousal, awakening, alertness, passion, interest, inspiration, excitement, creativity, enthusiasm . . . sexual energy is at work.”

Eve Ensler of The Vagina Monologues declares sexual energy to be “ . . . the basis of creativity, love, ambition, desire, life.” Although it has not been proven whether sex leads to being creative or vice versa, scientific research has affirmed that sex and creativity are positively linked. So if you are feeling a bit lackluster in the creativity department, you might want to explore healthy ways to improve your sex life.
Healthy sex has a hugely positive effect on your general health, too. Stress reduction, lower blood pressure, improved immune function, reduced risk of prostate cancer, pain reduction, sounder sleep, a healthy heart and better self-esteem top the seemingly endless list of reasons to put your sexuality front and center when prioritizing your life.

But what exactly constitutes a healthy sexuality? And is it the same for everyone?
“Our most ecstatic sex occurs when our body and heart merge with our soul to achieve a powerful connection to ourselves, our partner, and our Creator,” claims sex and relationship coach, Pam Babbitt, of YourTango.com. Dr. Jenny Wade’s book, Transcendent Sex, documents the real life experiences of ordinary people whose sex “suddenly turned into an awe-inspiring experience that forever changed the way they understood themselves and reality—and the power of sex and the body as a vehicle of realization.”

However, for some, sex is a painful quagmire of negative experiences, frustrations, feelings of inadequacy and even abuse. When sex has meant alienation or trauma, we want only to run as far away from it as possible. This is a normal reaction but long-term avoidance of problematic or traumatic aspects of our lives can lead to depression, illness and a sense of futility. A better plan is to deal with your negative emotions while giving yourself permission to abstain from those behaviors which evoke pain or revulsion.

Most of my clients are taken aback when I recommend sexual abstinence as a way of improving their sex lives. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, abstaining from sex for a week, a month, or a year can assist you in becoming more embodied and sexually responsive. This may not be typical advise from a sexologist, but I specialize in teaching healthy boundaries, assertion skills and balance.

If sex has become an unwelcome burden, a boring habit or a compulsion, it is time to learn more about yourself and your sexuality. And it could be that a period of abstinence will assist you to establish new patterns, feelings and ways of thinking which are healthier and happier for where you are at this moment. It really comes down to having the courage to discover and embrace what is true for you today as opposed to whatever you may have decided was true for you in the past. Of course, as with any self-improvement, we usually need professional input to get where we want to go.

Fortunately for you, you can find that expert help in The Shame Free Zone located in The Miner’s Village in Nevada City. As a Couples Consultant, Anger Management Specialist and Certified Sexologist, I employ Cutting Edge Communication Techniques and Transformative Role Plays sure to shift your experience of the Valentine holiday toward one of joy and celebration while honoring your personal truth and unique path in life.
Veronica Monet, ACS, CAM specializes in powerful role plays for couples and transformative techniques for using anger to create positive change in your life! She invites you to join her in The Shame Free Zone located at 206 Sacramento Street, Suite 206, Nevada City, CA 95959 (by appointment only so please call to schedule: 888.903.0050)